It makes you think

weird

Did you hear about the Dyslexic insomniac Agnostic? He stayed up all night wondering if there was a Dog.

out of the mouths of babes

After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mum, I've decided to become the Bishop when I grow up." "That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?" "Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."

There were three country churches in a small Texas town:

The Mormon church, a local congregation church and the Catholic church.

Each church was overrun with squirrels.

One day, the local church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

The Catholic group got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creations. So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.

It was only the Mormon’s who were able to come up with the best and most effective solution. They baptised the squirrels and registered them as members of the church.

NOW THEY ONLY SEE THEM ON CHRISTMAS AND EASTER!


Old Woman Sitting Next to a Missionary

There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to a missionary, It was stormy outside, and the plane was being rocked by some severe turbulence. So this kindly old lady looked upon Death's door, and said to her neighbour.
'Elder, surely you can do something about this... '
To which the Missionary replied, 'Sorry lady, I'm in sales, not management.

Three Chairs

Attendance was good in the small Branch of the church and there were not enough pews available. Several church members were already seated on folding chairs. When the Bishop, just starting the service, saw the Stake Presidency enter, he leaned down from the pulpit and whispered to the nearest usher, "Please get three chairs for the Stake Presidency."
Being hard of hearing, the usher leaned closer and said, "Pardon me?"
"Get three chairs for the Stake Presidency," the Bishop repeated. The usher strained closer with a puzzled look still on his face.
Once more the Bishop tried, speaking slowly and distinctly. "Three chairs. For the Stake Presidency," he enunciated.
The usher's face lit up in comprehension, and he turned to face the congregation.
"All right, everybody," he called out to the assembled worshipers. "Three cheers for the Stake Presidency!"

We will still be an obedient people.

Keeping the Commandments
Brother and Sister Jones made their annual visit to church for the Christmas Eve service.
As they were leaving, the minster said, "Brother Jones, it would be nice to see you and Sister Jones here more than once a year!"
"I know," replied Brother Jones, "but at least we keep the Ten Commandments."
"That's great," the minister said. "I'm glad to hear that you keep the Commandments."
"Yup," Brother Jones said proudly, "Sister Jones keeps six of 'thm and I keep the other four."

There will be more of us?

The concluding speaker at church gave a rousing sermon about the need for everyone to be active in church, he had based it on the theme ‘the Army of God”
After receiving several hearty handshakes and congratulations on a good talk he was standing at the door of the church, when he noticed one man who didn't attend very often.
"You need to join the Army of the Lord!" the speaker said to the man.
"I'm already in the Army of the God," the man replied.
"How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" .
The man whispered, "I'm in the secret service."