The perils of commuting

Its not the life I was hoping for, if I'm honest. Waiting for trains, hoping for a seat, agonising over timetables and upgraded lines and weaving cunning plans to get the best price for a ticket.

I spend 90 minutes in the morning getting to work, if I time it right its 80 minutes coming home. I had planned to calculate how much of my life I have spent traveling to and from work. The figure would no doubt be too depressing, far to depressing.

Instead I will think for a bit about what productive and useful things I have done during that time, no hold on I've slept, read the newspapers and stared into the distance.

Well maybe I should ponder on the far and exotic places I have travelled to and the interesting people I have met. Ah, that is also a bit disappointing also, I've travelled from Knebworth to Moorgate via Kings Cross (or sometimes Finsbury Park.) Thats the same journey over and over and over again.

I've sat or stood in every one of the eight carriages that 'they who are often renamed' have put on, sat in luxury, stood in the corridor, squeezed and pushed onto grossly overcrowded carriages and sat in emptiness wondering where everyone else is.

I hate it, I love it, I'm looking forward to retiring and I'm mostly glad I have a job.

My name is Peter and I ride the train to work.

Rodney Joseph Wilkins 25th January 1939 to 27th June 2012. A Eulogy.

Here is the text to the Eulogoy I gave at my Dad's funeral in 2012, its been 2 and a half years.

Hello, and thank you all for coming today. I have always thought of funerals as a time to pay tribute. A time to remember and A time to grieve. It is part of the processes of coming to terms with loss, My Father impacted us all in various amounts and various depths, some here will be in deep mourning, others are here to show respect, whatever the reason, however he may have impacted your life, we thank you for coming.

(I am aware of all that my Father was, I lived under his care for 18 years, and knew him for 50 years; today I choose to honour him and to speak only well of him.)

He would have been quite happy to admit he was born into poverty, in an East end family, to very young parents, born at the end of the world’s worst ever depression and with a world war looming less than a year away.

Uncle John could probably give us a bit more detail, I wasn't there and Rod did not talk much about his childhood, he talked about playing on derelict bomb sites, rationed chocolate, he remembered owning his first pair of underpants and the lows of going to school before his Mum could afford to buy him any, he loved his little brother and looked out for him, That may sound like a bleak childhood, and my brief account hides the bleakest facts in the family home, he wouldn’t want me talking about them today, in spite of all this, when he did reminisce, he spoke quite fondly of those times.

He signed up to the RAF in 1958, he got married in 1959 and he never returned to London to live, in 1962 he made Harlow his home, for a man that was happy to embrace change, I was always surprised he never moved home again, he told me he would die at home and true to his word he did just that.

How do I remember him?

• He showed me how to draw world war two fighters,
• He had an encyclopaedic knowledge of world war 2, he had a lot of knowledge about lots of things,
• He had strong teeth and a full head of hair, David and I are grateful for genetics,
• He wasn’t much for fun and games but I remember He was the King of Space hopper races in our home, undefeated from 1970 until 1973.

For holidays we camped which he quite liked, later we caravanned which he loved. There was often a car that needed fixing; his, Mum’s, mine, David’s, my Grandad’s, a neighbours, a friends, a friend of a friends. There was nothing he couldn't take apart, mend and put back together, when my aged Vauxhall Viva’s engine threw its big ends (or something) he had a second hand engine sitting in the garden, it hadn't worked for years, but it gave my Viva another 2 years life. He wouldn't take any money for the hours of hard work. Until quite recently if you needed the engine mounting bolts loosened he was your man, he was unnervingly strong.

He was a dog lover, maybe we get to keep our pets in heaven and he is up there now with the string of dogs he owned, Lucky and Trixie, Sally, Gunner and Kizzie, even though he didn't do the feeding or the dog walking or playing fetch, they all seemed to gravitate towards him, though that may be because he didn't do the rotten stuff either, like taking them to the vet or wash them.

He didn't have that little voice inside our heads that says; ‘actually this is dangerous’ for instance he had a hankering to take up scuba diving again. So instead of taking the normal route, lessons in a swimming pool etc. he made himself a wet suit, constructed a re-breather devise that seemed to involve Potassium Superoxide, he melted down lead and poured it into moulds to make weights, cut out and glued his own wet suits and away we went, our young men/ young women’s activity to a water filled gravel pit near Dobbs Weir must count as the most dangerous youth activity ever put on by Harlow ward but also the most memorable.

At various times in his life he built model aeroplanes, messed about with walkie talkies, he loved fighter jets and motor cars and on the rare occasion he read a book it would be science fiction.

He used his diving skills to great effect working as a diver on the North Sea and in the Middle East, he apprenticed as a car and van mechanic but was at various times a fireman (in the RAF), he worked in the Construction industry, sold caravans, encyclopaedia’s, freezers and power tools, he ran a crane business and a car repair business  and he’d give up a job on the flimsiest of pretexts and he would usually get another one, even in the most difficult of economic times. Until quite recently he drove a mini cab which still sits on the hardstand in Fullers Mead.

In 1967 he opened the door to the Mormon Missionaries, that simple act changed the lives of many people, his wife, his children, his brother and cousin who he introduced to the church, also other people we have met along the way on missions, in congregations, in our homes. He struggled with the many rules and regulations we have in this church but the scriptures teach us ‘How great shall be your joy if you bring in one soul to our Fathers Kingdom,’ Rod’s actions in his younger days have brought in dozens to the Lord’s kingdom, for this I hope God’s mercy and love have extended to Rod.

If there is a welcoming committee when we get to the other side he will now be reunited with his cousin Ray, his two brothers Charlie and Jimmy, his Mum and his Dad (though on opposite sides of the room), Joyce, Charlie, Gladys and Mac.

He will by now know the answers to some of the questions that have perplexed us all throughout our lives, the true nature of God, the creation of the world, Gods plan for our happiness throughout eternity, on a lighter note he will have learnt that football not formula one is the greatest sport of all time. 

He would have been furious that he missed the British Grand Prix and delighted to have missed the entire Olympics and the rest of our damp summer, no more caravanning holidays for the Wilkins family.

Of all the men I have known, he has probably spoken the fewest words, infuriating at the dinner table, but useful when trying to watch the news, In his last few months I spent more time with him than ever before, his eyesight was so poor, his strength and mobility drained away, we had no option but to talk. We talked about the past, about his Grandchildren, 6 wonderful young people he was very proud of, his two boys whom he found it so difficult to tell them he loved, his marriage which he admits he made a mess of, Molly who he loved and we talked of death which he was ready to embrace and we talked about God and what he could expect to see when he left this world.

For Rod religion and our relationship with God was mostly a theoretical concept rather than a lifelong devotion, he did believe in an afterlife, a judgement and an Eternal reward, he did not walk in the ways of this church, but he was never more than a few footsteps away, a sinner who needs the Lord, just like the rest of us.

There is a life after this one, It is my belief and conviction that we will rise up, at first without our mortal bodies and go to place of peace and rest, eventually to be resurrected. This understanding did not come easily to me, it came by prayer and study and personal revelation.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, who so ever believeth in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.” John 16:3

1843  William. W. PHELPS TO JOSEPH SMITH: THE PROPHET.

VADE MECUM, (TRANSLATED.) GO WITH ME.

Go with me, will you go to the saints that have died,—

To the next, better world, where the righteous reside;

Where the angels and spirits in harmony be

In the joys of a vast paradise? Go with me.

Go with me where the truth and the virtues prevail;

Where the union is one, and the years never fail;

Not a heart can conceive, nor a nat’ral eye see

What the Lord has prepar’d for the just. Go with me.

Go with me where there is no destruction or war;

Neither tyrants, or sland’rers, or nations ajar;

Where the system is perfect, and happiness free,

And the life is eternal with God. Go with me.

Go with me, will you go to the mansions above,

Where the bliss, and the knowledge, the light, and the love,

And the glory of God do eternally be?—

Death, the wages of sin, is not there. Go with me.

Nauvoo, January, 1843.

Conclusion; I will miss you Dad, Rod believed we would live on, God’s mercy extends to all and all will return to live in God’s home and under His protective care, Jesus taught us that in Fathers house there are many mansions, my mother taught me that one of those will be a place of healing and another teaching, Rod will need to spend time in both, when he has and we can all see the finished article, all of Heaven will sit up and take notice, A choice spirit has returned.

Looking round his home, I was reminded of that C.S. Lewis quote “Has this world been so kind to you that you should leave with regret? There are better things ahead than any we leave behind.”  It is clear to see possessions did not mean anything to him, some worn out clothes, reference books gathering dust since his eyes became too weak to read, an old car on the hardstand, very little for a sentimental soul like me to take away as a memento, how do I keep his memory alive? I will remember and repeat the family stories we all like to hear and to tell, funny stories, cute things the grand children said and did, memories of pets and people. I’ll say things like ‘I remember when Dad was alive….’ And we as a family will keep him here until we are all reunited in Christ, I invite you all to do the same.

And then they were gone..........

As it happens the end came quite swiftly. One day we had a house with two happy, noisy teenagers in it the next day it was empty and in a strange way I am grateful for that, the swiftness of it I mean, better than something prolonged.

I wander from room to room, his room, her room, the spare room. as bedrooms go they no longer service their primary purpose, to have people in beds asleep in them.

The floors are bereft of discarded clothing, heavy pulsating beats that pass for music no longer seep into the corridors, the towels that once scattered the house sit dry and folded away in the airing cupboard.

And the TV remote, once fought over and guarded now rests on the arm of my chair, secluded and at liberty.

They live on, nothing tragic has happened, my two teenage children have gone to University, different universities, different towns, same outcome here, the childless couple who waited 9 years for children and were overjoyed (and scared) at the prospect are alone together again a mere 20 years later.

People say it gets better, you will enjoy it, look forward to their visits and their departures, but I don't see it myself. I cant see how you ever get your sense of purpose again, or enjoy the quiet and peace.

Mind you, that large empty tidy bedroom would make an excellent study/rec room, you know to while away the empty hours in a lounger,with wifi and a hobby or two.

Now where did I put that tape measure......

Yellow friggin fear

Here is a great quote from the movie; Joe Versus the Volcano

Joe Banks: And why, I ask myself, why have I put up with you? I can't imagine, but now I know. Fear. Yellow freakin' fear. I've been too chicken shit afraid to live my life so I sold it to you for three hundred freakin' dollars a week!

Its one of my favourite films, no its my favourite film, my absolute favourite.

Its basic premise is a man can overcome fear, fear that holds him back for years and years, but only when his own mortality comes sharply into focus. Freed from the shackles of fear he almost completely rejects his own mediocre life and takes on this whole new exciting fulfilling life, he has been duped into believing he is going to die, but in many ways that is just the back story, its overcoming fear that is at the films heart.

This week I've been at home, I've thrown out my back and am hobbling around with a walking stick, I've had no other option but to sit there and watch TV, I've been watching breaking bad. Almost out side of the plot line Walter sits down with his brother-in-law, a man he doesn't like all that much and this is what he says.

WALTER WHITE  I have spent my whole life scared, frightened of things that could happen, might happen, might not happen, 50-years I spent like that. Finding myself awake at three in the morning.  But you know what? Ever since my diagnosis, I sleep just fine. HANK  Hmmm...okay. WALTER WHITE  What I came to realize is that fear, that's the worst of it. That's the real enemy. So, get up, get out in the real world and you kick that bastard as hard as you can right in the teeth.

And I was so impressed with those words, I'm older than Walt and like him I've spent lots and lots of my life living in fear, and what's worse he is imaginary, a made up character in a TV programme and he has learned something I haven't. Mind you he is dying from inoperable lung cancer, I am very much alive So am I going to have the road to Damascus conversion and become a fearless warrior? a man with no fear? ready to take on young punks, drug lords, my own family and my employer? No chance, no friggin chance, but I am going to ask myself as often as I can, what are you afraid of, just go and be something, be alive. DON'T LIVE IN FEAR ANY MORE. So today I'm sitting on a train, first day back in London (what a stink hole that place is) and the train home is cancelled, another one along in an hour, I limp dejected and in pain to a seat in the concourse. Then it dawns on me, catch an express train home, my ticket may or may not be valid, what will the ticket inspector say? well who cares, you cancel a train on me and I'll catch an express. coz I am a bad ass. Overcoming fear by Kaizen. Maybe I'm onto something................

Who is being a good Scientist?

I've been thinking a lot this week about science and in particular evolution.

It seems to me that apart from a (relatively) few people who are experts, the rest of us place a great deal of trust in the white coated, Doctorated up few who have set out the case for evolution with such firm conviction. I'm sure they are ethical, knowledgeable and honest but who is subjecting them to scrutiny?

Any self respecting scientist who wants to take a look at the gaping holes in the theory would be subject to ridicule and accusation and loss of standing in the academic community, they'd be accused of pandering to Christian hankerings keen to disprove the theory.

Also, while I'm on it, everyone clumps evolution and the origin of life together, one is actually only a tiny part of the other, evolutionists are mostly concerned about what happened to life immediately after it started.

Intelligent design, probably not a legitimate alternative, but is anyone looking at a credible alternative? Not me. A BSc in Geology wont give me in a basic grounding, and I'm willing to guess their wouldn't be an academic institution who'd be willing to support such research and no one at all to stump up the money.

Conspiracy therories - you decide

Gandhi said; "live as if you were to die tomorrow, learn as if you were to live forever. "

Read these 7 key elements and tell me im not absolutely spot on because if im not, well im absolutely crazy.


(1) British Summer Time is the cause of global warming. Think about this, British Summer time started in 1916, there was no global warming at this point, Our forefathers sat around enjoying long warm evenings doing nothing while the polar ice melted, by 1974when global warming was discovered it was too late. An extra one hour of sunlight for over 60 years was all it took to destabilise the delicately balanced ecosystem.

(2) There is a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world, known as The Pentavirate, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers, and meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion in Colorado, known as The Meadows. The five people are The Queen, The Vatican, The Gettys, The Rothschilds and Colonel Sanders. In order to rubbish this theory it was satirised in the movie so I married an axe murderer.

(3) Buffy the vampire slayer is actually a fly on the wall documentary TV series and Vampires were real and were not vanquished until 2003, whereapon Fox TV promptly cancelled the show and thier existence was covered up, Sarah Michelle Gellar was made an honourary Dame for her bravery but blacklisted from hollywood.

(4) The early Middle Ages never occurred. Everything that supposedly happened during those years was either a misunderstanding, an event from a different era, or an outright lie, we are actually living in the 1700's.

(5) Manchester United is an evil cult with designs on taking over the world, the clues are all over the clubs corporate identity, a devil on the logo,a world wide network of club shops and the longest running lucky streak in sports history,luck or help from belzebub?

(6) Stanstead aitport was built with the express aim of concealing a vast underground complex, headquarters of a new world order. Clues are hidden in the airport terminal pdf.

(7) Shortly before he left office, Tony Blair secretly signed into law the British Economic Security and personal economic freedom act 2008 (BESPEF08) This act would have completely restructured our society by among other things forgiving all personal credit card debt and mortgages, abolishing the HM Revenue and Customs, setting aside the magna carta and establishing a written constitution known as the Book of Blair and thus ensuring British world dominance - but the House of Lords refused to sign it and banned Tony Blair from ever sitting in the Lords. MI5 have threatened death to any civil servant who breathed word of its existence. BESPEF08 activists around the world are agitating to get the act announced and instituted, headed up by Lord Peter Mandelson.

And that is just the start, the evidence for these theories is overwhelming and will be revealed shortly

It makes you think

weird

Did you hear about the Dyslexic insomniac Agnostic? He stayed up all night wondering if there was a Dog.

out of the mouths of babes

After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mum, I've decided to become the Bishop when I grow up." "That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?" "Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."

There were three country churches in a small Texas town:

The Mormon church, a local congregation church and the Catholic church.

Each church was overrun with squirrels.

One day, the local church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

The Catholic group got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creations. So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.

It was only the Mormon’s who were able to come up with the best and most effective solution. They baptised the squirrels and registered them as members of the church.

NOW THEY ONLY SEE THEM ON CHRISTMAS AND EASTER!


Old Woman Sitting Next to a Missionary

There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to a missionary, It was stormy outside, and the plane was being rocked by some severe turbulence. So this kindly old lady looked upon Death's door, and said to her neighbour.
'Elder, surely you can do something about this... '
To which the Missionary replied, 'Sorry lady, I'm in sales, not management.

Three Chairs

Attendance was good in the small Branch of the church and there were not enough pews available. Several church members were already seated on folding chairs. When the Bishop, just starting the service, saw the Stake Presidency enter, he leaned down from the pulpit and whispered to the nearest usher, "Please get three chairs for the Stake Presidency."
Being hard of hearing, the usher leaned closer and said, "Pardon me?"
"Get three chairs for the Stake Presidency," the Bishop repeated. The usher strained closer with a puzzled look still on his face.
Once more the Bishop tried, speaking slowly and distinctly. "Three chairs. For the Stake Presidency," he enunciated.
The usher's face lit up in comprehension, and he turned to face the congregation.
"All right, everybody," he called out to the assembled worshipers. "Three cheers for the Stake Presidency!"

We will still be an obedient people.

Keeping the Commandments
Brother and Sister Jones made their annual visit to church for the Christmas Eve service.
As they were leaving, the minster said, "Brother Jones, it would be nice to see you and Sister Jones here more than once a year!"
"I know," replied Brother Jones, "but at least we keep the Ten Commandments."
"That's great," the minister said. "I'm glad to hear that you keep the Commandments."
"Yup," Brother Jones said proudly, "Sister Jones keeps six of 'thm and I keep the other four."

There will be more of us?

The concluding speaker at church gave a rousing sermon about the need for everyone to be active in church, he had based it on the theme ‘the Army of God”
After receiving several hearty handshakes and congratulations on a good talk he was standing at the door of the church, when he noticed one man who didn't attend very often.
"You need to join the Army of the Lord!" the speaker said to the man.
"I'm already in the Army of the God," the man replied.
"How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" .
The man whispered, "I'm in the secret service."