As it happens the end came quite swiftly. One day we had a house with two happy, noisy teenagers in it the next day it was empty and in a strange way I am grateful for that, the swiftness of it I mean, better than something prolonged.
I wander from room to room, his room, her room, the spare room. as bedrooms go they no longer service their primary purpose, to have people in beds asleep in them.
The floors are bereft of discarded clothing, heavy pulsating beats that pass for music no longer seep into the corridors, the towels that once scattered the house sit dry and folded away in the airing cupboard.
And the TV remote, once fought over and guarded now rests on the arm of my chair, secluded and at liberty.
They live on, nothing tragic has happened, my two teenage children have gone to University, different universities, different towns, same outcome here, the childless couple who waited 9 years for children and were overjoyed (and scared) at the prospect are alone together again a mere 20 years later.
People say it gets better, you will enjoy it, look forward to their visits and their departures, but I don't see it myself. I cant see how you ever get your sense of purpose again, or enjoy the quiet and peace.
Mind you, that large empty tidy bedroom would make an excellent study/rec room, you know to while away the empty hours in a lounger,with wifi and a hobby or two.
Now where did I put that tape measure......
Friday, 18 October 2013
Wednesday, 2 October 2013
Yellow friggin fear
Here is a great quote from the movie; Joe Versus the Volcano
Joe Banks: And why, I ask myself, why have I put up with you? I can't imagine, but now I know. Fear. Yellow freakin' fear. I've been too chicken shit afraid to live my life so I sold it to you for three hundred freakin' dollars a week!
Its one of my favourite films, no its my favourite film, my absolute favourite.
Its basic premise is a man can overcome fear, fear that holds him back for years and years, but only when his own mortality comes sharply into focus. Freed from the shackles of fear he almost completely rejects his own mediocre life and takes on this whole new exciting fulfilling life, he has been duped into believing he is going to die, but in many ways that is just the back story, its overcoming fear that is at the films heart.
This week I've been at home, I've thrown out my back and am hobbling around with a walking stick, I've had no other option but to sit there and watch TV, I've been watching breaking bad. Almost out side of the plot line Walter sits down with his brother-in-law, a man he doesn't like all that much and this is what he says.
Joe Banks: And why, I ask myself, why have I put up with you? I can't imagine, but now I know. Fear. Yellow freakin' fear. I've been too chicken shit afraid to live my life so I sold it to you for three hundred freakin' dollars a week!
Its one of my favourite films, no its my favourite film, my absolute favourite.
Its basic premise is a man can overcome fear, fear that holds him back for years and years, but only when his own mortality comes sharply into focus. Freed from the shackles of fear he almost completely rejects his own mediocre life and takes on this whole new exciting fulfilling life, he has been duped into believing he is going to die, but in many ways that is just the back story, its overcoming fear that is at the films heart.
This week I've been at home, I've thrown out my back and am hobbling around with a walking stick, I've had no other option but to sit there and watch TV, I've been watching breaking bad. Almost out side of the plot line Walter sits down with his brother-in-law, a man he doesn't like all that much and this is what he says.
| WALTER WHITE I have spent my whole life scared, frightened of things that could happen, might happen, might not happen, 50-years I spent like that. Finding myself awake at three in the morning. But you know what? Ever since my diagnosis, I sleep just fine. HANK Hmmm...okay. WALTER WHITE What I came to realize is that fear, that's the worst of it. That's the real enemy. So, get up, get out in the real world and you kick that bastard as hard as you can right in the teeth. |
And I was so impressed with those words, I'm older than Walt and like him I've spent lots and lots of my life living in fear, and what's worse he is imaginary, a made up character in a TV programme and he has learned something I haven't. Mind you he is dying from inoperable lung cancer, I am very much alive So am I going to have the road to Damascus conversion and become a fearless warrior? a man with no fear? ready to take on young punks, drug lords, my own family and my employer? No chance, no friggin chance, but I am going to ask myself as often as I can, what are you afraid of, just go and be something, be alive. DON'T LIVE IN FEAR ANY MORE. So today I'm sitting on a train, first day back in London (what a stink hole that place is) and the train home is cancelled, another one along in an hour, I limp dejected and in pain to a seat in the concourse. Then it dawns on me, catch an express train home, my ticket may or may not be valid, what will the ticket inspector say? well who cares, you cancel a train on me and I'll catch an express. coz I am a bad ass. Overcoming fear by Kaizen. Maybe I'm onto something................ |
Thursday, 29 August 2013
Who is being a good Scientist?
I've been thinking a lot this week about science and in particular evolution.
It seems to me that apart from a (relatively) few people who are experts, the rest of us place a great deal of trust in the white coated, Doctorated up few who have set out the case for evolution with such firm conviction. I'm sure they are ethical, knowledgeable and honest but who is subjecting them to scrutiny?
Any self respecting scientist who wants to take a look at the gaping holes in the theory would be subject to ridicule and accusation and loss of standing in the academic community, they'd be accused of pandering to Christian hankerings keen to disprove the theory.
Also, while I'm on it, everyone clumps evolution and the origin of life together, one is actually only a tiny part of the other, evolutionists are mostly concerned about what happened to life immediately after it started.
Intelligent design, probably not a legitimate alternative, but is anyone looking at a credible alternative? Not me. A BSc in Geology wont give me in a basic grounding, and I'm willing to guess their wouldn't be an academic institution who'd be willing to support such research and no one at all to stump up the money.
It seems to me that apart from a (relatively) few people who are experts, the rest of us place a great deal of trust in the white coated, Doctorated up few who have set out the case for evolution with such firm conviction. I'm sure they are ethical, knowledgeable and honest but who is subjecting them to scrutiny?
Any self respecting scientist who wants to take a look at the gaping holes in the theory would be subject to ridicule and accusation and loss of standing in the academic community, they'd be accused of pandering to Christian hankerings keen to disprove the theory.
Also, while I'm on it, everyone clumps evolution and the origin of life together, one is actually only a tiny part of the other, evolutionists are mostly concerned about what happened to life immediately after it started.
Intelligent design, probably not a legitimate alternative, but is anyone looking at a credible alternative? Not me. A BSc in Geology wont give me in a basic grounding, and I'm willing to guess their wouldn't be an academic institution who'd be willing to support such research and no one at all to stump up the money.
Saturday, 5 March 2011
Conspiracy therories - you decide
Gandhi said; "live as if you were to die tomorrow, learn as if you were to live forever. "
Read these 7 key elements and tell me im not absolutely spot on because if im not, well im absolutely crazy.
(1) British Summer Time is the cause of global warming. Think about this, British Summer time started in 1916, there was no global warming at this point, Our forefathers sat around enjoying long warm evenings doing nothing while the polar ice melted, by 1974when global warming was discovered it was too late. An extra one hour of sunlight for over 60 years was all it took to destabilise the delicately balanced ecosystem.
(5) Manchester United is an evil cult with designs on taking over the world, the clues are all over the clubs corporate identity, a devil on the logo,a world wide network of club shops and the longest running lucky streak in sports history,luck or help from belzebub?
(7) Shortly before he left office, Tony Blair secretly signed into law the British Economic Security and personal economic freedom act 2008 (BESPEF08) This act would have completely restructured our society by among other things forgiving all personal credit card debt and mortgages, abolishing the HM Revenue and Customs, setting aside the magna carta and establishing a written constitution known as the Book of Blair and thus ensuring British world dominance - but the House of Lords refused to sign it and banned Tony Blair from ever sitting in the Lords. MI5 have threatened death to any civil servant who breathed word of its existence. BESPEF08 activists around the world are agitating to get the act announced and instituted, headed up by Lord Peter Mandelson.
Read these 7 key elements and tell me im not absolutely spot on because if im not, well im absolutely crazy.
(1) British Summer Time is the cause of global warming. Think about this, British Summer time started in 1916, there was no global warming at this point, Our forefathers sat around enjoying long warm evenings doing nothing while the polar ice melted, by 1974when global warming was discovered it was too late. An extra one hour of sunlight for over 60 years was all it took to destabilise the delicately balanced ecosystem.
(2) There is a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world, known as The Pentavirate, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers, and meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion in Colorado, known as The Meadows. The five people are The Queen, The Vatican, The Gettys, The Rothschilds and Colonel Sanders. In order to rubbish this theory it was satirised in the movie so I married an axe murderer.
(3) Buffy the vampire slayer is actually a fly on the wall documentary TV series and Vampires were real and were not vanquished until 2003, whereapon Fox TV promptly cancelled the show and thier existence was covered up, Sarah Michelle Gellar was made an honourary Dame for her bravery but blacklisted from hollywood.
(4) The early Middle Ages never occurred. Everything that supposedly happened during those years was either a misunderstanding, an event from a different era, or an outright lie, we are actually living in the 1700's.
(5) Manchester United is an evil cult with designs on taking over the world, the clues are all over the clubs corporate identity, a devil on the logo,a world wide network of club shops and the longest running lucky streak in sports history,luck or help from belzebub?
(6) Stanstead aitport was built with the express aim of concealing a vast underground complex, headquarters of a new world order. Clues are hidden in the airport terminal pdf.
(7) Shortly before he left office, Tony Blair secretly signed into law the British Economic Security and personal economic freedom act 2008 (BESPEF08) This act would have completely restructured our society by among other things forgiving all personal credit card debt and mortgages, abolishing the HM Revenue and Customs, setting aside the magna carta and establishing a written constitution known as the Book of Blair and thus ensuring British world dominance - but the House of Lords refused to sign it and banned Tony Blair from ever sitting in the Lords. MI5 have threatened death to any civil servant who breathed word of its existence. BESPEF08 activists around the world are agitating to get the act announced and instituted, headed up by Lord Peter Mandelson.
And that is just the start, the evidence for these theories is overwhelming and will be revealed shortly
Sunday, 13 June 2010
It makes you think
weird
Did you hear about the Dyslexic insomniac Agnostic? He stayed up all night wondering if there was a Dog.
out of the mouths of babes
After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mum, I've decided to become the Bishop when I grow up." "That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?" "Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."
There were three country churches in a small Texas town:
The Mormon church, a local congregation church and the Catholic church.
Each church was overrun with squirrels.
One day, the local church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.
The Catholic group got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creations. So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.
It was only the Mormon’s who were able to come up with the best and most effective solution. They baptised the squirrels and registered them as members of the church.
NOW THEY ONLY SEE THEM ON CHRISTMAS AND EASTER!
Old Woman Sitting Next to a Missionary
There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to a missionary, It was stormy outside, and the plane was being rocked by some severe turbulence. So this kindly old lady looked upon Death's door, and said to her neighbour.
'Elder, surely you can do something about this... '
To which the Missionary replied, 'Sorry lady, I'm in sales, not management.
Three Chairs
Attendance was good in the small Branch of the church and there were not enough pews available. Several church members were already seated on folding chairs. When the Bishop, just starting the service, saw the Stake Presidency enter, he leaned down from the pulpit and whispered to the nearest usher, "Please get three chairs for the Stake Presidency."
Being hard of hearing, the usher leaned closer and said, "Pardon me?"
"Get three chairs for the Stake Presidency," the Bishop repeated. The usher strained closer with a puzzled look still on his face.
Once more the Bishop tried, speaking slowly and distinctly. "Three chairs. For the Stake Presidency," he enunciated.
The usher's face lit up in comprehension, and he turned to face the congregation.
"All right, everybody," he called out to the assembled worshipers. "Three cheers for the Stake Presidency!"
We will still be an obedient people.
Keeping the Commandments
Brother and Sister Jones made their annual visit to church for the Christmas Eve service.
As they were leaving, the minster said, "Brother Jones, it would be nice to see you and Sister Jones here more than once a year!"
"I know," replied Brother Jones, "but at least we keep the Ten Commandments."
"That's great," the minister said. "I'm glad to hear that you keep the Commandments."
"Yup," Brother Jones said proudly, "Sister Jones keeps six of 'thm and I keep the other four."
There will be more of us?
The concluding speaker at church gave a rousing sermon about the need for everyone to be active in church, he had based it on the theme ‘the Army of God”
After receiving several hearty handshakes and congratulations on a good talk he was standing at the door of the church, when he noticed one man who didn't attend very often.
"You need to join the Army of the Lord!" the speaker said to the man.
"I'm already in the Army of the God," the man replied.
"How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" .
The man whispered, "I'm in the secret service."
Did you hear about the Dyslexic insomniac Agnostic? He stayed up all night wondering if there was a Dog.
out of the mouths of babes
After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mum, I've decided to become the Bishop when I grow up." "That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?" "Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."
There were three country churches in a small Texas town:
The Mormon church, a local congregation church and the Catholic church.
Each church was overrun with squirrels.
One day, the local church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.
The Catholic group got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creations. So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.
It was only the Mormon’s who were able to come up with the best and most effective solution. They baptised the squirrels and registered them as members of the church.
NOW THEY ONLY SEE THEM ON CHRISTMAS AND EASTER!
Old Woman Sitting Next to a Missionary
There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to a missionary, It was stormy outside, and the plane was being rocked by some severe turbulence. So this kindly old lady looked upon Death's door, and said to her neighbour.
'Elder, surely you can do something about this... '
To which the Missionary replied, 'Sorry lady, I'm in sales, not management.
Three Chairs
Attendance was good in the small Branch of the church and there were not enough pews available. Several church members were already seated on folding chairs. When the Bishop, just starting the service, saw the Stake Presidency enter, he leaned down from the pulpit and whispered to the nearest usher, "Please get three chairs for the Stake Presidency."
Being hard of hearing, the usher leaned closer and said, "Pardon me?"
"Get three chairs for the Stake Presidency," the Bishop repeated. The usher strained closer with a puzzled look still on his face.
Once more the Bishop tried, speaking slowly and distinctly. "Three chairs. For the Stake Presidency," he enunciated.
The usher's face lit up in comprehension, and he turned to face the congregation.
"All right, everybody," he called out to the assembled worshipers. "Three cheers for the Stake Presidency!"
We will still be an obedient people.
Keeping the Commandments
Brother and Sister Jones made their annual visit to church for the Christmas Eve service.
As they were leaving, the minster said, "Brother Jones, it would be nice to see you and Sister Jones here more than once a year!"
"I know," replied Brother Jones, "but at least we keep the Ten Commandments."
"That's great," the minister said. "I'm glad to hear that you keep the Commandments."
"Yup," Brother Jones said proudly, "Sister Jones keeps six of 'thm and I keep the other four."
There will be more of us?
The concluding speaker at church gave a rousing sermon about the need for everyone to be active in church, he had based it on the theme ‘the Army of God”
After receiving several hearty handshakes and congratulations on a good talk he was standing at the door of the church, when he noticed one man who didn't attend very often.
"You need to join the Army of the Lord!" the speaker said to the man.
"I'm already in the Army of the God," the man replied.
"How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" .
The man whispered, "I'm in the secret service."
Thursday, 11 February 2010
My facebook statuses, that hilarious list in full
Peter Wilkins is a pirate dressed up as a vampire dreamin about being a cowboy
Peter Wilkins has changed his name to Petmimee, the 'mime' part is silent
Peter Wilkins is playing 'the game of life' with an Austrian mariner and a one legged Courtisan and im loosing badly
Peter Wilkins has beaten his record for consecutive years for being alive (posted on his birthday)
Peter Wilkins has eaten his own weight in mince pies (1 week before Chrsitmas)
Peter Wilkins is going to start arriving late for church but maiking up for it by leaving early (to celebrate being released after 9 years as a Mormon Bishop)
Peter Wilkins is saving money by not buying an expensive ipod, im thinking of my favourite song and humming it, when i want to change tracks, ill think of another song and hum that instead.
Peter Wilkins thinks copy and paste is the greatest invention ever, thinks copy and paste is the greatest invention ever, thinks copy and paste is the greatest invention ever
Peter Wilkins thinks his kids are like slinkies, not much use but great fun to watch falling down the stairs
Peter Wilkins wonders if the people who spend £1.85 on evian water know that backwards it spells naive
Peter Wilkins is about to stick a pin in your voodoo doll, BRACE YOURSELF
Peter Wilkins says if anything happens to me in the real world al you facebook addicts better start a facebook group in my honour AND IT BETTER HAVE MORE THAN 1,000 NAMES
Peter Wilkins is finally getting over his delusion of adequacy
Peter Wilkins says yikes, you never know what you don't know you dont know about your family
Peter Wilkins thinks my son is awesome
Peter Wilkins has a son who knows his password
Peter Wilkins has got tolet his kids make there own mistakes like my Dad did with me and the cheese fondue
Peter Wilkin is sooooooooo home from Spain
Peter Wilkins is pioneering bring your hampster to chuch Sunday, join in!
Peter WIlkins thinks there are only two kinds of people in this world, the decent folk who finish their status updates and the good fir nothing illiterate wasters who d
Peter Wilkins is just marking time as a Surveyor in London until they open up a MacDonalds in Knebworth
Peter Wilkins is made of meat, the whole family is made of meat even the one who doesn't eat meat
Peter Wilkins is just another man called Peter Wilkins
Peter Wilkins says clever me, ive just secured sponsorship for my parents 50th wedding anniversary or McAnniversary as we must now call it
Peter Wilkins says im so broke i c nnt af ord all th lette 's to upda e my st tus
Peter Wilkins says its just another day for you and me in paradise
Peter Wilkins says give a man a fish and he will eat for a day, magically turn himinto a fish and its sea food platter for the whole village
Peter Wilkins says that Korihor was a wicked fellow, evertime i say his name i hear booing in my head
Peter Wilkins says you are al l just jealous becasue the voices in my head are talking to me and not you
Peter Wilins has bought corduroy pillows, after just one night they are making headlines
Peter Wilkins belives life is for Petering and so do his friends Pete, Peter and the Petemeister
Peter Wilkin is wondering what will happen if you pour water on your keyboard and ty&8$%....
Peter Wilkins is wondering is somebody not editing what i am saying here
Peter Wilkisn wnats to be a hero, he wants to people to come up to him and say hey, you're good at Kerplunk
Peter Wilkins says merry Christmas nearly everyone (You know who you are)
Peter Wilkins intends to live forever, so far so good.
Peter Wilkins says start praying there are some questions that cannot be answered on google
Peter Wilkins is out of his mind, be back in 24 hours
Peter Wilkins is not a complete idiot, some parts are missing
Peter Wilkins is lost in thought, he is in unfamiliar territory
Peter Wilkins is suffering from middle age, his age is beggining to show around his middle
Peter Wilkins has changed his name to Petmimee, the 'mime' part is silent
Peter Wilkins is playing 'the game of life' with an Austrian mariner and a one legged Courtisan and im loosing badly
Peter Wilkins has beaten his record for consecutive years for being alive (posted on his birthday)
Peter Wilkins has eaten his own weight in mince pies (1 week before Chrsitmas)
Peter Wilkins is going to start arriving late for church but maiking up for it by leaving early (to celebrate being released after 9 years as a Mormon Bishop)
Peter Wilkins is saving money by not buying an expensive ipod, im thinking of my favourite song and humming it, when i want to change tracks, ill think of another song and hum that instead.
Peter Wilkins thinks copy and paste is the greatest invention ever, thinks copy and paste is the greatest invention ever, thinks copy and paste is the greatest invention ever
Peter Wilkins thinks his kids are like slinkies, not much use but great fun to watch falling down the stairs
Peter Wilkins wonders if the people who spend £1.85 on evian water know that backwards it spells naive
Peter Wilkins is about to stick a pin in your voodoo doll, BRACE YOURSELF
Peter Wilkins says if anything happens to me in the real world al you facebook addicts better start a facebook group in my honour AND IT BETTER HAVE MORE THAN 1,000 NAMES
Peter Wilkins is finally getting over his delusion of adequacy
Peter Wilkins says yikes, you never know what you don't know you dont know about your family
Peter Wilkins thinks my son is awesome
Peter Wilkins has a son who knows his password
Peter Wilkins has got tolet his kids make there own mistakes like my Dad did with me and the cheese fondue
Peter Wilkin is sooooooooo home from Spain
Peter Wilkins is pioneering bring your hampster to chuch Sunday, join in!
Peter WIlkins thinks there are only two kinds of people in this world, the decent folk who finish their status updates and the good fir nothing illiterate wasters who d
Peter Wilkins is just marking time as a Surveyor in London until they open up a MacDonalds in Knebworth
Peter Wilkins is made of meat, the whole family is made of meat even the one who doesn't eat meat
Peter Wilkins is just another man called Peter Wilkins
Peter Wilkins says clever me, ive just secured sponsorship for my parents 50th wedding anniversary or McAnniversary as we must now call it
Peter Wilkins says im so broke i c nnt af ord all th lette 's to upda e my st tus
Peter Wilkins says its just another day for you and me in paradise
Peter Wilkins says give a man a fish and he will eat for a day, magically turn himinto a fish and its sea food platter for the whole village
Peter Wilkins says that Korihor was a wicked fellow, evertime i say his name i hear booing in my head
Peter Wilkins says you are al l just jealous becasue the voices in my head are talking to me and not you
Peter Wilins has bought corduroy pillows, after just one night they are making headlines
Peter Wilkins belives life is for Petering and so do his friends Pete, Peter and the Petemeister
Peter Wilkin is wondering what will happen if you pour water on your keyboard and ty&8$%....
Peter Wilkins is wondering is somebody not editing what i am saying here
Peter Wilkisn wnats to be a hero, he wants to people to come up to him and say hey, you're good at Kerplunk
Peter Wilkins says merry Christmas nearly everyone (You know who you are)
Peter Wilkins intends to live forever, so far so good.
Peter Wilkins says start praying there are some questions that cannot be answered on google
Peter Wilkins is out of his mind, be back in 24 hours
Peter Wilkins is not a complete idiot, some parts are missing
Peter Wilkins is lost in thought, he is in unfamiliar territory
Peter Wilkins is suffering from middle age, his age is beggining to show around his middle
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